Back to Work

Dear Bracken,

What a long week. I had to go back to work this week and leave you with the sitter. I think it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It is really difficult for me to not be in control of life and knowing you spend 8 hours a day with other people, I feel helpless as to what you are doing and your safety is no longer in my hands. This is really difficult for me. I know I am somewhat over protective and probably always will be. You will have to be patient with me, but it is hard to leave you with anyone for that amount of time. I dont want you watching too much tv or other kids holding you when they aren't being supervised or kids touching you with all their kid germs (which they all do the second you walk in that door) or people bugging you when you sleep or you getting sunburned on too long of a walk or you not getting enough attention (I doubt this will be a problem, everyone there absolutely loves you). There is just so much not in my control and so many things that I wish people were more careful with, but who am I to tell them how to live their lives. I am doing my best to ease up and let it be, but it is tough for me.

You seem to be happy there and have had a great week, so I feel great about that, but I still miss you so much and can't wait to see you at 4 each day. It is miserable at work without you and I have been away from you four times more this week then your previous 10 weeks all put together. I'm struggling with this, but I think it will get easier as time goes on and you get bigger and aren't quite as fragile. I hope it gets easier (at least I'm not crying when I leave the sitters like the first two days). I just don't feel like I see you enough and you have been going to bed so early that I don't get any quality time with you. It sucks.

Love you and miss you!

Mom