Left You

Dear Bracken,

I left you with a sitter for the first time today. You are six weeks and two days old and I have never been away from you. I haven't even left you alone with dad. I had a doctor appointment yesterday and you kept crying and I felt bad for the doctor who was trying to keep you quiet while doing my check up. Today I had a dentist appointment and thought it probably is a good idea to leave you with someone so that doesn't happen again. Aunt Katrina offered to watch you since she is in town.

I took you to her hotel and left you with her for two hours. I hurried and thought about you the entire time I was gone. I was so sad to leave you. I know in a few weeks when I go back to work I will have to leave you every day and I am not looking forward to that time. I have a hard time trusting people to take care of you. I also feel bad because you cry and fuss so much and I dont want people getting frustrated with you. But, you survived and did a good job with her. She also did a good job with you and everything was fine. It is just so hard to leave you.

Love,

Mom

Nicknames

Hi Bracken,

So your father and I have come up with quite the variety of names for you for some reason. I call you: Bracken, Bud, Buddy, Baby B, Baby, Sweetheart.

Dad likes Buggers the most but also calls you Baby and Bracken.

I Think it is interesting that we thought so long and hard for a name for you and yet call you so many other things.

I hope I'm not confusing you.

Love,

Mom

Changes

Hi Bud,

So we are making some changes starting today. You don't sleep at all during the day like you should and you get up 4 times a night still to eat. You have been doing better at falling back asleep fast at night (I dont usually have to stay up for over an hour anymore) but its a struggle to get you to sleep more than 30 minutes at a time during the day. All my books say you should be sleeping 1 or 2 hours 4 or 5 times a day and not be up for over 2 hours ever. Well, we need to make some changes. I am going to try The Sleep Sense Program. We are starting today. So far, not so good. You have had a 30 minute nap and a 23 minute nap and have now been sleeping for about 20 minutes. That isn't anywhere near an hour and a half, but I think it will work.

I am no longer going to hold you when you are sleeping (at least not too often) and am going to start a bedtime routine. I am thinking bath, pjs, book and eating. We will see how that works. I know you still need to get up and eat at night, at least for another month or two, but hopefully you can start to go longer between feedings and get more sleep during the day. I really believe that part of your extremely fussy behavior is sleep deprivation. You get overly tired and then fussy and then you can't sleep.

Lets hope it works. It doesn't hurt to try, but you have cried more today than usual, but it's in your best interest, I think. I hope. Lets see how it goes.

Good luck learning how to fall asleep on your own (that's what I read the problem is, you don't know how to soothe yourself to sleep).

Love You!!!

Mom

Doctor Visit

Dear Bracken,

We just got home from the doctor. She thinks you are colic. There is no known cause for colic babies and no cure. It is something you will just grow out of. We are going to try to put you on formula for a week to see if that helps at all. Maybe something I am eating isn't settling well in your belly. I hope it helps. I'm not happy about not being able to breast feed because there are so many health benefits for you and I just want you to be healthy.

You are now in the 75th percentile in weight. You are a big boy! And growing about a pound a week. Such a good eater.

Hope you grow out of this soon...for both of our sakes.

Love,

Mom

One Month

Dear Bracken,

Today is your one month birthday! Wow - where did the time go? It is already going by so fast! You have been really fussy the last few days and last night and the night before you screamed for over three hours. Something is making you not feel well and it makes me really sad. I cried with you for quite a while both days. It is ok to cry. It makes you feel better, so don't ever be ashamed of it. We have a doctor appointment today to see if we can figure out what is wrong. You look so sad and after you've been crying and you fall asleep you make sniffle sounds every few minutes while you sleep. It is so so so sad. I hope we can figure out what is wrong because it is wearing us both out! You are pretty good during the day but afternoons have been hard. This morning you have been fussy though. You don't sleep very long and you aren't eating well. I wish I knew what to do to help you and make your one month birthday better!

I know I've felt happy, sad, frustrated, miserable, sleepy, exhausted, excited, over joyed and so much more this last month, but I have enjoyed every second of it and love having you in my life!

Get feeling better soon.

Love,

Mom

I Love You From Head To Toe!

Dear Bracken,

Hi son. It is amazing how much a mother can love a son. And instantly, from the second you were born I have felt such an amazing amount of love for you. Here are some things I absolutely adore about you:

I love your thin hair, especially the hair on your ears. I love the perfect shape of your ears, your dark grey-blue eyes and your squeaks and snorts that you make. I love when you open your eyes really big and take in all you see around you. I love your pudgy cheeks and your cute chin. I love the way you suck in your bottom lip. I love the "ah ah ah" sound you make when you cry. I love your ten little fingers and ten tiny toes. I love the way you tuck your feet under you when you lay on our belly. I love that you cuddle a lot and love to be held. I love your open-mouthed smiles and your one-sided smirks. I love the way you look in my eyes. I love the way you close your lips together tightly, usually after eating. It is my favorite look of yours! I love your tongue when you stick it out like you are tasting the air. I love how you will grab and hold onto our fingers and how you suck on your binkie so hard that it squeaks. I especially love your hands and how you always lay on them and like them up by your face when you are all cuddled up.

I love you from head to toe!

Love,

Mom